My father is dying.
Slowly. In bits and pieces. There is no One Thing we can point to. Just a slow decline over the past couple of years. Throw in a few near misses, multiple hospitalizations, surgeries, a-fib, a small stroke, circulation issues, infections, anemia . . . and the slow decline has become a rapid descent with periods of stasis, but not much hope for major improvement. This is the hardest thing to face. How much more time do we, does he, have?
Physically Dad is a shadow of his former meaty self. His muscles have wasted away, he is barely able to walk, or even sit up for any extended length of time. His body belies his mind which is sharp as ever. This has to be killing him inside.
It is now left to my step-mother, my brother who lives in town, and brother’s girlfriend to tend to the day-to-day care-giving, doctors’ appointments, medication dispensing, phone calls, and errand running. Home care nurses, wound care techs, case workers come and go.
Phone calls and texts fly back and forth between me, my long-distance brothers and those with boots on the ground. I hesitate to call the house, not wanting to add any more of a burden to my already stretched-to-the-brink mother.
I did call last night and Dad answered the phone. He was good for about five minutes and then suddenly, like air escaping a balloon, his energy left him.
“I’ve got to hang up now. I’m really tired.”
“Oh, okay. You go rest, Dad. I love you, Dad.”
“I love you too, Baby.”
Sorry to hear. The “and yet” is the hardest part . . .
I cannot even think of my wife dying, and she in turn wants to go before I do. Neither of us can bear to think of the loss, of the time after. It sounds stupid, but the one to go first faces the least adjustment. The survivors are the ones who have to contemplate and adjust to a huge hole in their lives.
As for the dying itself . . . who knows how we each will face the time. One thing I am fairly sure of is wanting to have quality over quantity. I read twice how you described your dad’s last few years, and offer this interesting perspective.
http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052970203918304577243321242833962.html
It follows my own thinking for my eventual fate. I don’t want to go through a long drawn-out process, and I don’t want anyone who cares for me to go through it with me.
But, of course, one never knows until faced with the choices.
Thanks for the article. It sounds like the way I want to do it too.
I know it does not help with what you are going through now, but it points to the other side of the equation. At some point one does get tired with hanging on . . . we, the ones who are left, have a tougher time with acceptance.
. . . hang in there . . .
Knott’s Berry Farm is in the present and always happening.
What are they doing about his anemia? From what I read it increases the likelihood of the problems you mention.
He doesn’t have anemia all the time. When needed he gets a transfusion. It helps for awhile. I am not sure what else he is being treated with.
http://www.umm.edu/patiented/articles/how_anemia_diagnosed_000057_5.htm
This just came out in Feb:
http://consumer.healthday.com/Article.asp?AID=661342
So the question is what kind of anemia and what is the cause? Transfusions would not treat the underlying cause.
The anemia comes and goes, and frankly, I think, the least of his worries at this point.
It was very interesting that H. Pylori can be a cause. A friend who turned out to have the infection, almost died from pancreatitis of it and has now got type II diabetes.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pernicious_anemia
Without going into my father’s care and his many health challenges, the anemia is likely a symptom of another issue he is having with his small intestine.
I never stop asking awkward questions of doctors. Maybe you don’t want these types of comments from a “human doing” right now Carissa, and I apologise if I have offended you.
No offense taken. I ask questions when I’m down there, but I’m not there right now and just feeling particularly helpless right now.
Another issue is that due to no circulation in his feet he has had a partial amputation of his right foot. Now his left foot is showing the same lack of circulation and portions of his foot are literally dying from no blood flow. He needs another amputation but he would never survive the surgery. On top of that he is fighting multiple infections that they can’t seem to beat back. Like I said: Bits and pieces.
Yeah..
If he isn’t producing enough red blood cells, his circulation is affected. He can’t produce enough if his body is not producing intrinsic factor in his stomach to make B12. He maybe can’t absorb oral B12 if his intestines are an issue. He might be low on Vitamin D and iron as well.
http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/releases/55432.php
RB, I know you mean well, but I didn’t post this to hash out my dad’s medical issues. Believe me, questions are being asked. But with his issues, it’s kind of like playing whack-a-mole. Thanks for your concern.
ok.